Maybe you have already tried everything you can to feel better. Or maybe you don’t have the energy, will or desire to try anything new, even if you can see that it might help. Maybe you’re simply feeling so freaked-out or self-conscious that trying to change or asking for help from friends, family, or a therapist just feels crazy hard or pointless.
Or, maybe you feel like you must be the one person, among all the people you know, who cannot seem to loosen up, or lose weight, or get motivated, or just “get your shit together” enough to enjoy life. Maybe you have given up on finding meaningful work, meeting a good partner, or creating a safe and comfortable living situation.
You think, There must be something wrong with me. I must be a lost cause, weird, weak, ugly, broken, undeserving, or stupid, right?
All of these thoughts and feelings are common and yet difficult to face. Many people feel they cannot forgive themselves for experiencing life the way they do or for failing at what seems so apparently easy for others–and they conclude that they must be beyond help. Well, you are not beyond help, and it is important to recognize and celebrate all the effort it has taken to get where you are today: looking for answers and considering what to try next.
In some sense, acceptance and forgiveness are the foundation of effective therapeutic work. A therapist offers acceptance of your experiences and commits to understanding who you are. Built into that acceptance is open forgiveness for the ways you feel you have failed yourself or others. Forgiveness is a disposition of the heart and mind that good therapists can and will compassionately hold for you until you can hold it yourself.
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